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[19 Mar 2005|05:09am] |
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Where am I, I really don't know. I have been through so much since my last entry. there is noway for me to say it all. so I wont bother trying to. So I will just talk of my friday night. It was crummy. I went to a few parties. (a few meaning 2). I then got bored as I always do at parties.I 'm usually missing someone at parties and wishing they where there. I no longer find getting wasted and being stubit with your guy friends fun. but i haven't gotten drunk since newyears. but thats because I drive now. I'd rather be intoxicated with the one I love. Anything I do would be greatly improved if my love was involved. Oh well. thats a whole other story. back to my awesome friday night. Well/. I got bored and decided to go. so I'm drving home, and I see this dog on the side of the road. I felt really bad. and with any dog that shares the slightest resemblence to bailey I fall in love with. I brought him back ot my apt. and my other dogs where real crappy to him, so I had to bring him back outside. then some dogs barked at him and I got scared they where gonna kill him , so I left him out side my apts. I feel sad hes so handsome. I hope all is well with him. I tryed my hardest. its 5:22 in the morning and this is the time that I jsut finished that whole dog thing. of well. maybe some good karma is on the way .I'm tired I'm gonna go. maybe if I have time I will write in here again... also I'm in love with a girl.I have so many emotions going on right now. I jsut wanna goto bed . the one time I don't thjink about all the things at once.
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[01 Nov 2004|11:22pm] |
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the buddy system., |
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well. I have not written in here for ages, it looks like live journal changed the set up on posting in the journal, everything looks bigger, I'm not quite sure why I chose today out of all the other days to write in my journal, well that does not matter, I'm doing it so thats all that does... well this weekend was pretty cool I suppose. I hung out with my g.f. and shane seth his g/f and racheal, , that made my whole weekend, because everything else this weekend was crummy, we went to a party this girl from my job invited me to, the party was not good, it was very bad, cheap soda and a bowl of candy, we left soon after we got there, the bath room was nice there was a sauna and a shower with a door, that was the ok part,..we then went and drove around and picked up more ppl then went to a part then i went home. I worked saturday and sunday, halloween was non existant to me. I worked till 7:07 clocked out went home, went online called my g.f. went to sleep, today, monday, I was off work, thats a rare occurance, but I can not complain about working to much, the more I work the more money I get, and since I'm saving for a car I need all the hours I can get. I like my new job, I work really hard so I guess they like me, the other day I saw an old friend of mine, I didn't know it was her because she changed so much, I just thought she was another pretty girl in the store , so I quietly stalked her, doing put backs in isle she was in, then she came up to me and said hello brandon, btw of course I was dressed like a redneck that day,I looked liek complete utter shit, well I was suprised to discover who she was, she always was pretty, but she changed somuch, I could not believe it. It was really a turn around, how I used to make plans with her and never live up to them , and never calling her, and now Im the loser . thats life I guess, nothing gained nothing lossed. Well since halloween was over they let go of some people working at my job. it was sad, it was asif they died, i will never see they again,. and the time we shared would never be resembled in a different settle for that they will not company any more. I think about things too much, thats why I get sad.I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I could talk to my g,f like that but i dont want to get all deep with her and freak her out, I tryed to already and I dont think she followed, and I'm far to fragile now to loose her, I also learned I'm very jealous. and I feel threatened when she mentions other guys,. mostley because I'm baffled I could get a girl friend, I think I am so different,.how could a girl live with all of my flaws.. I can't tal looking at my self how come another person. so I would assume the first chance should could get with an attractive person I would be history, I'm far too needy. I love too easilsy, and the way how I feel for her will never be felt for me. I sometimes find my self wanting to be mean. some times I act on the feelings and sometimes they disapate. ,... I have been recording more songs, I have been for a very long time now, and when ever I have a free day I go through a couple cassettes and try to condence them to this one, then I will release it, mostley only to friends. I'm excited to hear the final product. I'm going for my driving test thursday, wish me luck, I'm going to get off now nite.
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[26 Aug 2004|08:04pm] |
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Yea Well Im feeling alot better, I feel like a weight is lifted off of me because of this whole thing, I got what I wanyted and I guess now Im finally relising that this is what I wanted and and Im not sad ne more, and now I wanna find real love and crap , and not just say I love someoen when I dont reeally mean it because over time it forms a different effect on you and makes you really have the impression of love yet its notr bleh I sound so lame, I recorded a cool song last nite Im excited to put all my songs togther and make a cd and crap, but yea im done
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| Yea soo |
[24 Aug 2004|08:26pm] |
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Bright Eyes. |
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Yea well I didnt update for a while, me and my g/f broke up, I havent stopped crying, , , but Im a total wuss, and even though I thought i wasentgonan cry, I still cryed, I cry for everthing, Im so sad, everything this week is going wrong, I dont liek high school, I lookign for a school that I can get my work done faster and then I can goto college and start my life already, oh well , last friday I went to my friends party thing with my old g./f i got drunk she didnt we felll asleep next to eachother, and everything was all cool and stuff, I dont know how cool it was, it sucks wanting somthing then when you get it its nothing you expected it to be, gosh my life is liek that too much , I hate that , I really wanna goto oregon, not like that will make anything better or somehting like that, I would jsut be taking my problems with me, but I need to get out of this desert, I wanna see rain, it rained here like for 2 seconds the other day, it was lame, well I stopped cryign and i feel better, I better keep my mind off this crap heh  thats a picture of my room its so plain, thats a bag by the nice white chair, oh well its cool bye
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[11 Aug 2004|10:37pm] |
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american football |
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I havent updated in some time, alot has happened, I quit my crappy job, and my bands have shows comming up, if you live in phx or scottsdale you should come to my shows ones this friday at the complex 2647 W glendale ave -www.azcomplex.com and my other shows the same place but on the 20th, well yea I dont know what else to say, ok
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[22 Jul 2004|01:50am] |
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q and not u - and the washington monument goodnight |
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Well Ive been sick for like 5 days , it sucks so bad,work sucks alot, I called in sick sunday for work, now one of the managers hates me oh well.,today they made me going in this big tunnel sky tube thing, and clean up urine, it was so messed up,. I wore this like crazy gloves that where like rubber but they liek covered my whole arm, i was gonna quit right there but the glozes looked pretty cool so i did it, I still washed my hands liek 100 times after, I think it was pretty fucked there being like 20 other people in the store, that the manager tells me to do it, oh well, modest mouse is playing friday, I'm working till like 3:00 so I could make it but I dont know if I wanna any more, Its so much of a hassle, and after working all morning I kinda get lazy, bleh there making me close the store saturday and sunday thats gonna suck, eh oh well I'm way lethargic and I'm gonna go, ok
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[15 Jul 2004|04:59am] |
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tilly and the wall |
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today was my first day of work, it wasent the worst,the uniform really blows though I look so scary in it, oh well.,I was bored and made a camera obscura livejournal community, and today i was trying to make it look cool, if u like camera obscura you should join it and it will be fun, http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cameraobscura__ okay there ya go, well im bored and im gonan try to goto sleep bye
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| i thought Iwas dead |
[13 Jul 2004|10:26pm] |
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belle and sebastian |
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yes so I got a job finally, at chuckee cheese, Im having second thoughts if i really wanna work, Eh I think i have to be the oddest person that ever existed, when i want something and finally get it , I dont want it any more, ive been so bussy lateley, I need a job., so i got one , but its so time consuming, and i signed up for soem school thing that starts some time in august, bleh i dont wanna be in arizona any more, i hate it here its so hot, and its so gross and ugly, i have no friends really, but thats th eleast of my problems, i have so much crap going on and im unstable , i cant handle it all so much responsiblity and somany tasks to accmoplish, i just cant take it, espeically when i had problems before having all these duties dumped on me, I was so depressed, and Ive been thinking about the meaning of life alot, and why are we here, theres so much on my mind and its driving me nuts and im so sick of being sad, and having to worry, I really jsut wanna be left alone, and feel like i have no burdens and just read a book, and have noone screaming or yelling my name or calling me, bleh i dont know, thats all .
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[27 Jun 2004|09:47pm] |
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rem -imitation of life |
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I havent updated in ages, I dont really know whta to talk about, most of what I do want to talk about I cant cuz I much rather keep it to my self,. But I did have band practice a couple of days ago, it went good, we have a show august 20th, so yea,,. if you live in arizona you should goto it even tho its a million years aways , its at thee complex, but yea ,, thats pretty much it, also i got that adware crap on my comp. i hate that crap, I have to do the virus scan again to get rid of it cause its back again,. I hate arizona, bleh oh well., Im boring, and I'm bored, if anyone wants to look at the site of the band I'm in its www.doomedband.tk I was lazy and used most the stuff from the band i was in like 10 years ago but theres info on there bout the band ok thats all, bye
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[14 Jun 2004|05:22pm] |
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the softies |
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Yea so I wake up and see my sister got a new camera thing so yeaaa
( click here to see poop )
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[10 Jun 2004|04:56am] |
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camera obscura - eighties fan |
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Hmm well, I suppose I had a fairly good day, I woke up, wrote a couple of songs, talk to Elizabeth, then I took a nap, then woke up, fixed my computer. Then I went to band/project thing practice, It was all over the place today, but It was pulled together quite nicely, I guess it shouldn't be so hard, Since I already know the songs and stuff, the hard part is adding the keyboard, and trying not to make it sound horrible, well after that I went to the 99 cents store, it was lame there, but oh well, then I got a pizza witch was horrible, The cheese was rubber, and the crust was hard and gross, Supposedly this was such great pizza but not to me, oh well, Friday I think I might goto some crappy house show, I really don't wanna go because I don't like the bands, there like punk and stuff, But I much rather goto a show then goto desert ridge, there's really not that many good shows around here it sucks, I cant wait to get myself a good band and stuff, I would wanna play free shows every weekend, even though ppl would get tired of us quite quickly, but it would be nice for once to have something better to do then goto desert ridge, and it be boring and stuff, I'm pretty sure their are parties or something going on these past weekends, but people don't like me I suppose, I was told by someone in Florida that I seem to be an asshole, or something along those lines, but when you get to know me I'm really not, I guess I look like an asshole? oh well, It makes me happy to think that if I was to zero friends, I would still have a little feeling of happiness knowing I have my self, and I'm a good friend heh,but yea, sometimes I even like to just be alone, and not have to deal with people being mean or what not, but oh well ok that's all,
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[08 Jun 2004|05:25pm] |
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pedro the lion |
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This morning , when I took my nap, I had a dream, then I woke up and was like whoa, and I had another dream, they where weird, the first one, I was in a swimming pool, with a bunch of ppl, everyone was fully dressed, and noone was wet, I was wearing a mask, but everyone in the pool knew who I was, and I saw one of my friends in the pool., and we we'r making fun of the pool, or something and it was funny, then i got out of the pool and went inside, and my dog bailey that my mom gave away he was there, and I was likeso happy, and he seemed happy too, but they he wasent, then it was like i had water in my mouth from the pool and it kept feeling like in my mouth there was water, and my hair was soo wet too, but it wasent wet in the pool. and i was wearing a mask, and I'm pretty sure it covered my whole face, then i woke up, Then I went back to bed, and I dreamed I was at some place and I guess I tryed to get a job their or put in an application, and I was like humm they nexer called me back, so I went up to the lady there and asked about it and she was like , I cant find it, and I was liek you have it or something and shes like yea you didn't pass your not driven enough or something, hmm but then I woke up and I thought how could she tell all that from an aplication, but I guess it was just a dream, but yea, In real life, I'm tryign to start my band up, and its like I'm solo again, noone cares about it as much as I do, Its kinda pissing me off, but yea if ne one in the phoenix or scottsdale area wants to drum in my band let me know heh, oh kay thats all.
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| uh hummmmm |
[03 Jun 2004|07:18am] |
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tegan and sara - you went away |
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yea well, humm where to start, my life is starting to get inresting, but I dont know if thats a good thing, I have this old friend, who I was friends with before I moved and he was in my old band and stuff, well yea I never did crap to him I was tottally nice all the time, Im rarley ever mean , so yea ya know, but yea for some odd reason he shit talked about me alot, but yea and something that i defended him for he told everyone i did it, witch is impossiable, but i stills tuck up for him becuase he did it and i defended him, just yea pisses me off, but yea i move back to az, and he dosent talk to me ne more, because i dont listen to "punk" music,, i could really careless to be his friend, but what an immature reason to dislike somebody, but yea, hes like ppl that listen to all that indie shit are all asshoels, and ive changed,.. hummmm If anything im like way nicer then i ever was because i missed having friends and stuff.so if i get this right ,,, im an asshole because i too nice. hmm thats a way good reason to be mean to someone, but yea the reason he hates ppl that listen to other music than punk rock maybe its jsut his close minded-ness. and that hes too punk rock to like any other music genre, there was this house show, his band played, and like this garage rock- indie band was gonan play too. im not too sure what they where i havent heard them in a while, but yea, so my old friend was sooo pissed they where playing he went on az punk and let off his steam on how pissed he was and what no, and he revealed his master plan on how he was gonan have them play last, knowing the show would get shut down,, but guess what he called that band up and asked his he could borrow their pa head, and they let him, just before he was shit talking guys hes never met, then he asks to borrow something,, at the show the guys where way ncie my friend had a head ache then went out and got his advil, and we didnt even know them, but long story short, they didnt get to play, yet all the other bands did and they got to use there pa head, a punk band would never let a them use theres but they where cool and didnt mind, that pisses me off so much, oh well i gotta loosen up im all stressed out and crap. but it just pisses me off,and the whole punk thing too, i go and put an add for a drummer on az punk, and all the post i got , none where even for a drummer, just making fun of the musical genre, so fun , this world sucks, but on a better note, i hung out with my friend elizabeth it was way nice, i liek her so much, and i think wer going out, unless i misunderstood, but yea she makes everything better, but yea thats all.
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| bleh |
[01 Jun 2004|04:30am] |
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the cure |
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yea i havent updated in a while,ive been a tad busy, Friday i met this girl thats a friend of somefriends of mine , or soemthing, i saw her picture in this gallerely and started asking bout her, kinda weird of me i guess, now you see why my live journal name is what it is, yea well, I met her, and I like her so much, shes so nice and stuff, we hung out on sunday to, we went to a coffee shop and play chinees checkers and checks and chess, she taught me how to play chinees checkers and chess, witch was cool cuz i didnt know how to play, but yea, then today we hung out again , we went to kracker jax or soemthing, we played miniature golf, and we played video games, mostley racing games, and we played air hockey and this other hockey game,after that we just sat down and talked, it was nice, i was trying not to stare but i couldent help it,, after that we both agreed that place sucked and we would never go back there again, but yea i got to hug her twice, and i held for hand for like 2 seconds, it was so nice, i think i act really dumb when im with her tho witch sucks because i dont want to, i havent been like this with a girl forever, and i guess i get nervous or something , I think im mostley nervous because i dont wanna blow it, i love the feeling when into her eyes , even thos its from across the table, i dont wanan sound weird but its really nice, and she most likley dosent feel this way for me, but who knows, bleh but yea, ive been mostly talking to her online and she says nice things to me witch makes me believe she does like me, or atleast i hope,if she ended up changing her mind about me , and relizing how ugly i really am, i think i would be sad, and feel like that pain in my heart or w.e. but i dont think i would get like way sad. i think i hit the rock bottem of sad and i cant get any more sad then i already am, when i talk to her tho it makes me happy, and i dont think about how sad i really am, but when i dont talk to her i think about how crappy everything is,i hope this works out and stuff, cuz id be way happy, this post must sound real phsycho, but oh well, i feel like im living in a dream and my fingers are typing and im not thinking about comes up, and sorry for all the grammer crap, i dont feel like looking for like shift and the ' and all that,, well on another suject, i think im having band pratice tomorrow for my indie/sleepcore bands, im excited for that, i really wanna play and i wanna practice and get good and start playing shows like i used to do, ive been playing guitar and keyboard alot, comming up with new stuff, but yea i dont know thats all bye
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[23 May 2004|02:17pm] |
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flaming lips - all we have is now |
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bleh yea im really bored and i have a cold , its so annoying because its liek i'm breathing hott air and crap, and i have a gross runny nose, thursday i put in an application for peter piper pizza, but no call, i dont know why i thought they would call back, no jobs ever do, ill probly call them monday and ask of they reveiwed it and theyll be like uhhhh jdhsdkj , oh well ill keep trying till i get something, i hung out with shane friday and saterday, we went to deseret ridge friday, witch was horriable,i dont know why i go, its lame and depressing, saturday we went to zia then pv mall which was empty and depressing aswell, nothing ever goes right for me , and im sad bleh i guess thats all
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[18 May 2004|02:41am] |
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the anniversary :( |
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well latley ive been feeling really sad, again.. I'm starting to think i'm just lonley or bored or something, I thought maybe it was because my room was dirty, and that was making things seem sad, So i cleaned it and it didn't help. I've been listening to azure ray and the anniversary all day, Finding out the anniversary broke up didn't help much with my lil depression episode im going through , but oh well, I dont usually goto the denali website, To be honest I could never find it, but today I did, not even sure why I was lookign for it, but the first thing on the site is saying they broke up too, I guess everything ends, but I thought it was sad, I was listening to the anniversary today and thinking of the members as if they died it made me wanna cry,, but on a lighter note my friend renee imed me with some uplifting information, she told me that le tigre where playing this summer, at lollipuluza? i dont know how to spell that , well yea also the von bondies and modest mouse, along with a few other awesome bands, so that put a smile on my face, but then i forgot about it and it went back to how bad I was feeling, Ive been thinking of how much I wanna feel normal again, and how I hate ppl that say there depressed and crap. and use depression as like a trend or soemthing of that nature, not sure why I'm being so mean latley, I cant help it, Ive been sayign what ever I felt to my mom and sister and I said mean things, they said mean things back to me but still i should keep my thoughts to my self, Ive been going to the mall with my friend shane , thats pretty much what I did this weekend, friday I went to deseret ridge, -some dumb out door mall/market place- I guess i went because I really have nothing better to do, I was really mean to this girl, I felt bad i think I hurt her feelings, but I tired really hard not to be mean to her, like i think i could of been like tottally mean and like didnt hang out with her,but i tried really hard, then i was mean at the end cuz it got annoying,So i basically got all weird so she wouldent wanan hang out with me, I felt bad, but I later told her that i was kididng around and it wasent working or soemthing like that, I still feel bad,.. and liek in that subject, of girls and bleh,I want a g/f and all, but its like i dont want liek these normal girls, its real funny for me to be picky, cuz i also have discovered how ugly i am and i dont knwo how ne girl could even think of dating me, and heres a nice girl that likes me or i think , and i dont like her,.. I really wish i found someone like me, or atleast close, when i lived in pa, i probly had a person like that but i moved and lost it, but i know there must be soemone for me, that would look past my grossness, and woulden't be so ordinary, I dont know , i suck and i have to stop typing because this is a very long post ok thats all,
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[13 May 2004|09:50pm] |
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blood brothers |
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eh i havent updated in a while, well, not much happening, i started a band thing with my firends shane and billy, its way cool,its way chaotic, in the beginng, we where trying for an art punk sound, then it went down the drown this werid crap came out, i like it , not sure if ne one else will, probly not because its so horriable, and its jsut guitar and a keyboard sampler, with 3 vocals, shane came up with akward death sqaud so thats the name i like it,but yea, i dont know, ive been hanging out with my friends witch is cool cuz i was able to for so long, my fast computer got messed up so im on this other one thats older, ive been meanign to call up e macines to find out whats wrong but im so lazy,ive been eating alot, im gonna be way fat , oh well, i guess thats it, this was a boring entry but that sucks ohk thats all
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[05 May 2004|10:21pm] |
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death cab for cutie |
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well i moved back to arizona, i guess i should be really happy, i guess i am, but i dont know , i hung out with my friend saterday, it was really nice to see all the ppl i havent seen in 5 months, it was so odd i guess i thought in 5 motnsh alot would change, but it really didnt, the ppl mostley looked the same, some with different hair or different style but nothing to drastic, the mall looked the same, everythign did, it was kinda sad, im not sure what iwas excpeting well i dont know, i recorded some songs last nite they where shit bleh oh well, i finished the art for my crappy cd cover, im not sure why im still working on this project, im gonna start a few bands so that should be fun. well that all bye
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[25 Apr 2004|12:50am] |
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calamine-trampoline |
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well i havent updated for a while now, I guess ive been a little busy, ive been trying to move out of fl but it seems that most likely isent gonna happen,, my life is never easy, and when ever i get my hopes up for something, it never works out, i was way happy when i thought i was going back, now its like im really down, and nothing seems right,i feel like ill never find a place like az, or find friends like i had in az, but i guess thats life, ive been cutting down the renting of movies but i went with my mom and rented some tonite, we got this like documentary on these teen killers, it was like the second part of it, i saw the first part when i was like way lil and now they made like a sequal to it and it like revealed new evidence and stuff, like one of the kids is now a man, and theres all this new evidence that could clear them but this whole thing is taking place in arkansa, and the boys practiced wicca, and they didnt believe in god and stuff, and thats all the juior had to hear, and they like sentenced two of them to life and one to death,, there was like this one guy who kept lieing the whole time and im pretty sure he killed the 3 kids and they where trying to get him arrested but they didnt look at the evidence, the same guy got arrested for other weird crap. but i dont know, i really dont know who did it but i think they should take the evidence into account its like the judge does not wanna know about it, witch is kinda fustrating and i kinda felt bad for the kids if they didnt do it,, if they did do it they they should get what they get but like theres more evidence pointing to this guy then the kids and just cause the kids where different they where guilty just on that,,it kinda made me think to cuz thats a scary thought,eh i hate the south, they do every thing backwards here, and if you are different it seems your crap to them, even if your a great person they dont wanna hear it,..,. well im done
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[07 Apr 2004|04:04pm] |
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modest mouse |
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i enjoy the rain so much, ive been waiting for it to rain in this dump for ages now, and it finally did, i flew a kite a little bit ago, you figure with rain theres wind, especially on the gulf coast common, the last time it rained here, it was soo windy, but today, since i wanted to fly a kite there was no wind at all,. i even bought more string thinking the kite was gonna go really high and all, but no.,i got all wet for nothing, oh well, while i was trying to fly the kite or at least tying to, these landscaper guys where up the hill and where lauging at me., it didnt seem to bother me tomuch, becuase at least im not cutting grass for a living, they where probly jealous they couldent play in the rain and fly a kite, oh well, besides the fact the kite didnt take off i had an ok day, i love the rain, its like its something happening, and its cold, and the sound of it on my window is so nice, i opened my window slighty just enough for little droplets to spash me on ocassion., i would like to open my window up more but theres like scary woods behind me, probly a rat or bat or an old man would climb in my window, i better stop now and update this thing before power goes out and i loose this whole thing, ok thats all,
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